"I Snorted My Father"

I believe that the dead deserve the utmost respect and care; it is a reflection on the mores of the living how they treat the dead. Keith Richards apparently does not agree with me. You see Mr. Richards, of Rolling Stones fame, has a longstanding reputation of doing anything once (or twice, or three times, or....). Keith told reporters this week that he had combined some of his late father's ashes with cocaine and enjoyed snorting him in a binge a couple years back. [The latest news is that now Keith said he made up the story to amuse reporters, he cites as authority his personal medical opinion that if he snorted cocaine at this point in his life he'd die....and I thought that the cocaine was keeping him alive.] You do need to give Keith credit as he did acknowledge that young rockers should not see him as an example, but rather someone who just got rather lucky surviving this long. It's unclear if he was referring to his music career or actually living, as he has been on a list of the 'most likely to die this year' for many years. So long in fact that he wasn't included this year according to Keith. The calls come to our office about how to handle a soon to be deceased or recently deceased loved one nearly every day. As much of the younger generation has strayed from the traditions of their families, both religious and cultural, it is becoming harder for children to make decisions about how to most suitably dispatch their elders. "Uncle Tom was baptized Catholic, but stopped practicing when he joined the Navy; then he was born again which lasted a few years; then he married Aunt Myrna who was into crystals and smoke spirits. We are atheists and just want to save money - can't we just call some 800# to deal with the body? Our mother is making us have a Catholic Mass because it is apparently 'the right thing to do.' What do you think Attorney Gosselin?" Aargh. That's what I think. Aargh. In Massachusetts, the law is quite clear on the disposition of bodies. Like most states the next of kin has control of the body upon death. That's right, you don't get to control the disposition of your own body. In Massachusetts, that would be your spouse first, then your children, then your parents (if living), then siblings, etc. A common problem arises when the decedent was re-married later in life to that lovely woman the kids like to call "step monster." Even though dad enjoyed forty years of marriage to mom, whom he loved very much - even put his name on their double plot just waiting his date of death, he will be cremated and put next to step monster's first husband on her mantelpiece like a trophy. Dad's children have no say in the matter under Massachusetts law. I find the easiest solution for this conundrum is to pre-pay for your funeral and burial arrangements prior to death. You would be surprised how many confirmed atheists and conniving step monsters will come around to the lovely Methodist service you have paid for when they know they won't be getting the bill for the funeral! My wife's grandmother was a Yankee. The good Boston kind, not the evil New York kind. So she was frugal, stubborn and was the most resolutely independent person I have ever met. Nana's dear husband died in 1973 after a long battle with cancer. He was buried in his family plot in the little cemetery in the little town his ancestors had settled in centuries ago. Nana arranged for a local stone worker to cut and chisel a monument. The stone worker charged a per letter charge for chiseling the monument. Nana figured it was best to not only include her name, but also her date of birth, '1911' and '19 ', with two spaces for her eventual year of death. As fate would have it, Nana announced at Christmas dinner in 1999 that she wasn't Y2K compliant. You see, she firmly declared that she had no intention of paying any more than the cost of two numbers to the stone work company. Although we all promised to honor her wishes, we eventually sprung for the extra $40 and straightened the whole mess out. I know the old girl is rolling over in her grave because of our extravagance, but at least it is over her dead body, as I recall her requesting at the time....... GosselinLaw.com >